HOW TO LOSE AT CYCLOCROSS

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I found this instructional film on the interweb.

Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid - Cycling

I found this instructional film on the interweb. American rider Butch Cassidy Mid-race *CLICK TO PLAY*

I have to say it shows all the worst practices of modern coaching into one abysmal video. Let me explain.

1. Pretty ladies are nice. But they do not help with power to weight ratio and are EXTREMELY difficult to shoulder when running up steep banks.

2. Bowler hats, whilst ‘quirky’, do not offer side impact protection or sufficient ventilation. They also tend to hold snow in the brim (see power/weight ratio). The aerodynamics are admittedly quite good, though I have found no records of exhaustive wind tunnel test results, as yet.

3. Cyclocross is not fun. Or sexy. It is supposed to hurt. Any enjoyment is to be reserved for the post race peeling off of muddy garments into plastic carrier bags in the back of a fogged up van.

4. Apples do NOT offer an optimum mid-race feeding strategy. High fructose levels lead to insulin spikes and anyway he should be rasping with pain, not nibbling.

5. Waistcoats are not as sweat wicking as gilets and do not carry sponsors as well as sublimation printing. And he should be wearing a skinsuit.

6. Flirting with your teammate’s girl is impressive mid-race, but will prove disastrous in next season’s races. Will he hold back from chasing if you get a gap? Will he buggery.

7. Is that a fixie he’s riding??

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