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Dear Mrs. Vulpine,
It’s my birthday coming up and I thought you might appreciate some great value solutions to your gift purchasement quandries.

Dear Mrs. Vulpine,
It is my birthday coming up and I thought you might appreciate some great value solutions to your gift purchasement quandries.

It’s not that I didn’t appreciate last year’s kind gifts of a Sing-Along Mamma Mia DVD Karaoke Set and the Neal’s Yard Revitalising Nose Cream. I just thought, as a fairly quad-bustingly obsessive cyclist, I might put some alternatives forward.

Anyway, no pressure! Love you!
N xx

1. Mad Fiber Wheelset

Aren’t those spokes silly? They’re made with plastic you know! Dirt cheap.

Mad Fibre
Mad Fiber Road Wheelset

2. Neil Pryde Diablo Custom Carbon Frameset

That’s right! With a name like that it must be pants. But it really is ok, and it is far better value than a 4th generation fly-by-wire strategic fighter aircraft and considerably less damaging to the environment. More plastic though. Tsk.

Neil Pryde
Neil Pryde Diablo

3. Mercian Reynolds 953 Custom Frameset in green 7 white, with barber’s pole downtube

Now these jokers are near where I grew up, so it’s essentially about six decades behind in terms of technology and they still use ancient old materials like steel!! Stainless steel Reynolds 953 tubing is a particular bargain, as it is made from old cutlery.

Mercian Custom Stainless Steel Road Frame

4. Niner Air 9 Carbon Singlespeed 29er

I mean, it hasn’t even got gears. And its plastic again! Embarrassing!

Niner Air 9
Niner Air 9 Carbon Singlespeed 29er

5. Feather Cycles Custom Two-tone Fixie Frame

Made in Britain by one bloke in a shed. Probably cost a fiver. Chris King headsets are ten a penny. You might like to get a multi-buy discount and get a range of colours. Ask for ornate lug work, he’ll probably reduce the price.

Feather Cycles
Feather Handbuilt Two-Tone Fixie Frameset with polished chrome lugwork

6. Specialized Shiv Time Trial bike with Zipp rear disk and deep front.

Now there are some major issues with this cobbled together piece of cack. No Campagnolo, and they haven’t even got modern gear levers integrated into the brakes. So ask for a whopping discount. No worries. Oh, and that rear wheel? Remember those BMX plastic spoke cover thingies? Yea, like that. Except worse. Get me 3, just in case.

Specialized Shiv
Specialized Shiv Carbon TT with Zipps, as driven by Spartacus

7. A Finger of Fudge

Because all the pros have them. Please Mum. PLEEEASSSSSSEEEEE.

Anyway, a few things to be getting on with. I have the number of our mortgage broker. Even though it’s all highly affordable. Obviously.
Kiss kiss xx

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